A few weeks back, I saw posts referring to Malayalam movie producer Supriya Menon’s social media post revealing the identity of a cyberbully who has been harassing her for close to seven years. Honestly, I can only think of this bully as a crazy, starstruck fan who hates the woman who got to marry the man (actor/director Prithviraj Sukumaran) she could never have. What other reason could there be for this never-ending harassment? But no matter how silly or how serious the reason, the fact is that this woman has been actively trying to attack another woman online, which is reason enough for me to brand her evil.
I remember seeing a post about this from Supriya a couple of years back. What stuck with me from that post of long ago was her saying how the bully was a nurse with a little kid and asking her followers whether she should proceed with legal action or just out her publicly. And even in the current post, it is not clear if Supriya is indeed proceeding with legal action or not. But I sincerely wish that she is, whether it does something to this bully or not.
One of the biggest reasons that cyberbullying has become the dangerous menace that it is has been the attitude of people, especially towards celebrities. As I have written in my previous blogs, “You wanted to be famous, so you have to take everything that comes with fame and shouldn’t complain” is how people normalize the incessant trolls and bullying that celebrities have to endure on a daily basis—even rape and death threats. For people, “It’s all part of the package, and you asked for it.” Even towards non-celebrities, the attitude is complacent—“You are on a public platform; if you don’t like what is said to you, deactivate or delete your account and go home instead of being a crybaby.” Sadly, the replies that come from social media giants for absolutely obscene comments and messages that are reported echo the same sentiment. Talk about accountability!
Another reason for the unrestricted growth of not just cyberbullying, but offline bullying and even crimes, is related to the part that has stayed with me the most from Supriya’s post—“I let it be as she has a young son.” While it definitely must be Supriya’s kindness that was reflected in that line, I can’t help but wonder if that was the right decision to be made. Did she have to take responsibility for someone else’s actions and their consequences?
The culprit in this case is an adult, one who works as a nurse (God save her patients, because compassion and her are like parallel lines—they never meet), is married, and has a son. She is very much aware of her actions and the impact they have on the person she has targeted over the years, despite multiple attempts at stopping her. Does she deserve the kindness that Supriya showed in thinking of her young son? The son being hers, wasn’t it primarily her responsibility to think about how her deeds can impact her son and his life in general? Or staying protected in the safety of another country, does she think whatever she has done and keeps doing would never get back to her family and her son? Or does she simply not care about all that?
I believe the answer is the latter. Legally, no, as long as she doesn’t come back to Kerala, I don’t think a cyberbullying case lodged against her in Kerala can affect her all that much. But it’s not that this woman thinks she is all too safe, at least on social media, especially considering how Malayalis, that too hardcore movie fans, are quick to unleash their wrath on anyone crossing their beloved stars or their families (TBH, not something to be proud of). It’s just that she doesn’t care about her identity being revealed or her son ever seeing her for her true self. And let’s be real. If she did care about all that, she wouldn’t have done whatever she did. Her actions were simply deliberate acts intended to hurt another person, done with absolute commitment to her hatred and no consideration for the consequences, not just for her, but also her loved ones.
A very long time back, a Malayalam actress had shared her shock when an employee of the hotel where she was staying for a shoot tried entering her room at night. She lodged a police complaint against the guy, who was in his late teens or early twenties. She recalls how the guy’s family came to her asking her to not lodge a complaint as it would affect his life and bring them shame. She didn’t budge, good for her, and proceeded with legal action. I remember the comments under the posts about this incident. Our people being, well, our people, immediately rose in unison to slut-shame the actress based on her attire and the roles she has played in movies while reminding her that she “chose to do all kinds of ‘scenes’ and was now pretending to be ‘Savitri’.” They were quick to add that when the family had already apologized to her, she was just being a brat by going ahead with the case and ruining someone’s life.
Yeah sure, tomorrow someone rapes or murders your family members, please accept an apology from the culprit’s family and make sure that “lives are not ruined.” I mean, what the hell is wrong with people? How was this actress ruining this guy’s life when it was his deliberate choice to break into her room? I have seen the same kind of victim shaming when culprits facing trial for the worst kind of crimes have ended their lives. As if the victims of the dead guy were the ones to blame for the suicide.
This misplaced guilt and shaming of people who refuse to bow down to evil beings who try to break them is precisely why people either take on the responsibility for the culprit’s life and loved ones or refrain from acting at all. In reality, the onus of your actions and their consequences are only on you. No one else has to think for you or about you after you have made deliberate choices at harming someone else. If you didn’t want consequences, you shouldn’t have done what you did—it’s as simple as that. And for families crying about consequences and begging victims to let go of their hurt and the injustice done towards them, YOU are the enablers who have shown these perpetrators that they will always be protected and supported, no matter what they do.
I hope Supriya and every other person who is wronged by someone realize that their biggest priority is and should always be themselves, that they are not responsible for someone else’s actions or their consequences for others, not even an innocent little boy somewhere who knows nothing. I hope that they realize that the right thing to do for themselves and for the hurt they have gone through is to act and not let the “bad guy” walk away scot-free. Who knows, you might be saving someone else who could have been their next victim?
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Also published on Medium.
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