“Inclusivity” is a term that is beautiful. In a world that is separated by walls of all kinds of differences, this term should have a tremendous role in bringing more people together. But what has happened in reality is that people have started using the term “inclusivity” as a fad, just like they have done with many other similar concepts. And the result is that instead of actual inclusivity, a farce is presented to the world by those who want to be labelled humanitarians, but without really doing anything towards it. The most despicable ones of the kind can be seen in the comments sections on social media.
I found one of those the other day on Facebook under a video of a boy with Down syndrome. In the comments, many were speaking very nicely of the boy, which was heartwarming and not done in a “Let me show the world I am a good guy” sort of way. But then I saw a lady go overboard and post a comment, “He is so cute! All Downies are sweet people. I would do anything to have a Downie baby.” You see what I meant when I said “overboard?”
I am a person who has had firsthand experience of how someone with Down syndrome navigates life and how difficult it is. My father’s youngest sister was born with Down syndrome and lived her whole life with all the difficulties that come with it. She had a very long life for someone with a condition like this – she passed away a few years ago while in her 60s. And the last decade or more was especially more difficult with more rapid ageing and deterioration of her mental faculties and so many other issues typical of someone who lives with a condition like this. By the time she passed, she was just a shadow of what she was years ago, and watching her like that was even more difficult for everyone who loved her.
I have heard of the intense tantrums and developmental issues she used to have in her childhood and adolescence. And as a female, there were further issues that would definitely have come up with the onset of menstruation. She could not speak properly as she had a tongue-tie. But this lack of articulation did not stop her from chatting away happily, which was a joy in itself, I won’t lie.
One thing my grandmother did that was commendable was to somehow train her to be independent in taking care of her hygiene and her basic chores. I still remember watching her come back from taking a bath and meticulously and methodically put on talcum powder, comb her hair (a few strands of it she had, that is), place her bindi right at the centre of her forehead, and take a satisfied look at herself in the mirror. I used to have a smile on my face every time I watched her go through this ritual.
Yes, she was cute and sweet in her own way. But that is not the complete picture of someone with Down syndrome. She lived a life that was far from normal compared to her siblings and everyone around her. While she had a huge family, she never got to have her own family, something I am sure she would have wondered about with the number of weddings she attended when she was younger. While she did grow in age, she essentially remained a child all her life, till her death. She had to go through health issues, both physical and otherwise, which affected her quality of life increasingly, making it really difficult for herself and her caregivers towards the last decade of her life.
Did we all love her? The answer is a resounding YES! But would we wish this life on another? Absolutely not! Including those with Down syndrome or other developmental difficulties and integrating them into everyday life and trying to help them live a life with dignity is very much important – no question about that. And especially in our society, a lot more awareness and education can go into it. Looking at them with kindness and compassion is equally important. But making statements like “Aww they are so sweet. I wish I had a baby like this” is not just dumb, it’s cruel wishful thinking.
I can say with 100% certainty that the dumbass who made this statement would run for her life if she did end up having a kid with Down syndrome. Because for people like her, it’s all about the cuteness of reels and sweetness of someone else’s life onscreen. Such people have no clue of what comes with it – not just for the baby, but also for the parents and caregivers. It’s not something everyone can deal with, and the ones who do deal with it level-headedly and are able to help the kids grow with at least a semblance of normalcy are supermen and superwomen indeed. But it is not something that we should wish for anyone.
So my parting note to such dumbasses who make such ridiculously clueless statements under posts about those with Down syndrome and other such conditions is this – these are real people going through a lifetime of suffering owing to disabilities. Don’t make them a prop in your attempt to paint yourself as a harbinger of inclusivity and epitome of unconditional love. By doing that, you are just exposing to the world what an unbelievably stupid and sly human being you are. And by making “happy wishes” like “I wish I had a Downie baby,” you are actually wishing for a child to be born with disabilities and face a life of misery and suffering. How despicable can you be!!
Also published on Medium.
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