Thought I should jot down some (funny?) questions I have been facing for the past one week as I feel this blog could serve as an FAQ in case others have the same questions. I really have no idea why these questions came up in the first place and what relevance they have at this stage of my life. Anyway, silly as it is, I had to answer these questions. Since I do not feel it a good idea to repeat the same things, I could just pass on this link to those who wish to ask me these on a later date. Especially since I hear there are people who read my blogs, have their relatives as well read those, and get back to my parents to clarify their doubts they have once they are done reading. 😀

(Disclaimer**: No offense is meant to anyone, living or dead.)

Qn no. 1: Why is it that I have only guys as friends and not girls?

Ans: At 25, when most of my “friend-making” process is done, this question does not seem to have much relevance. Still, for the sake of the FAQ, I feel I should give an answer. My close friends (a rather big number) are not the result of a deliberate effort put in from my side. Somewhere along the line our so-called wavelength just matched a lot more than others. And somehow most of them happen to be guys. That does not mean I’ve asked the girls who I know to take a separate queue and stay away from me. There are a number of girls who I’m very comfortable with. It’s just that they did not become my best friends. That is neither an insult to the girls, nor a compliment to the boys.

Qn No. 2: Why do I go out only with guys?

Ans: Refer to Ans 1. I do have a personal life out of work where I go out to dinner or movies or sometimes little picnics with my close friends. And as is already said, my close friends happen to be guys. Simple math – A=B, B=C => A=C. (Point to be noted: I do go out with one of the girls in the circle when I’m home for weekends. But since she is married and has a 1-year old kid, I don’t think it is fair to drag her out every now and then. I prefer to play with the baby at her place.)

Qn No. 3: Why do I get on bikes with guys? (Yes, I really was asked this question :-/)

Ans: Because it is a mode of transportation of course. And it is not like I show a thumbs up to any guy who comes my way and get on the bike with him. There was a time when I even had an inhibition to it, maybe because of the ‘norms’ set by society. However, when I became mature enough to think logically, I suddenly realized how stupid it was. Most of us (by us, I mean me and my friends) are not rich enough to own and/or use a car regularly with the soaring price of petrol. And from what I have heard, diesel engine needs a lot of maintenance. With our kind of work hours and schedules/plans, it is not always possible to resort to public transportation either. So for us, an affordable and convenient option is a bike. And we are not really aware of any negative outcome if a guy and a girl sit properly on a two-wheeler. We get on a bike, go to decent places, do whatever normal human beings do there, get back on our bike and come back. End of it!

Qn No. 4: What is the article “Past to Future” doing in my blog? Shouldn’t I take it out?

Ans: “Past to Future” was about a beautiful relationship that I had. I don’t find anything shameful in it to keep it locked and hidden from others for the simple reason that we didn’t do anything shameful. We still remain the best of friends. That article was not about a heartbroken me declaring I’ll never fall in love again. That was about the reality of many relationships and the strong influence this person had in helping me go strong. So no, whatever scary stories of guys and their families in Kerala having a problem with it are put forth, I WILL NOT take it out. If someone cannot accept that, it is better he does not accept me and make us both regret.

Qn No. 5: Why did I tell a guy who called me (it was a formal call after my Dad gave him permission of course), that I am a petite person who weighs 39kg? Was that in any way me trying to screw up the proposal?

Ans: I was shocked to hear this question because I never knew that would have any other implications. I said that because people do have genuine concerns/expectations regarding the physique of their “future” partner. If you ask me now in a very ‘arranged’ manner, I would say I won’t go for someone more than 80kgs, only because I know we might look odd together and not because of anything wrong with the guy. But then again, that is also because it is among the very few things which you can really look at in a proposal. I feel it is only genuine for some guys to say “I want a slim girl” and some others to say “I like girls who are a bit plump”. So if the guy who called has a different interest, I did not want him to be in for a shock to to see a little girl of 25. 🙂 To add to it, I made it very explicit that I am perfectly healthy and have absolutely no issues with my physique. I believe that answers the second part of the question. If not, here goes – NO, I did not have a motive to screw up the proposal by saying that.

Qn No. 6: Why did I tell the same guy that I am not in a position to relocate from Trivandrum immediately? Was that again because of my lack of interest in getting married?

Ans: I repeat, I said that because that is a fact. How would telling the truth imply I want to get out of the proposal?? I joined TCS, Trivandrum as a Life Skills Faculty one month back. I was always interested in training and this definitely was a dream-come-true as far as my career is concerned. And I personally don’t feel it is fair to leave a company in 3-4 months. And that again, was not because I have any issues with making compromises for a relation. However, at this point, I am helpless when it comes to a job change. This is something that is there, out in the open and there is no reason why I should try to hide it, get married and then give a shock to the guy saying I will not move from Trivandrum immediately. It was just a very important point that he had to think about.

Qn No. 7: Do I not want to get married? Am I against marriage?

Ans: Yes, I do want to get married and no, I’m not against it. But now, because of all these really meaningless questions, I feel cornered and stretched. I was trying to get ready for marriage whichever way my parents wanted, because for one – I personally don’t have a choice anymore and two – I hadn’t given them an option either. But then all on a sudden, everyone went back to the “teenage mode” where I’m back to being a school girl and told what to do, what not to do and asked umpteen number of questions on how I do things and why I do things. The fact that I have been living alone for the past 4-5 years and working for 2+ years seems to have got erased from everyone’s minds. (If I did my BTech and skipped my PG, I would’ve been working for 4+ years). Kind of reminds me of a part of the Britney Spears song – I’m not a girl anymore. And as far as I recollect, I’ve taken care of myself reasonably well. That is nothing to boast about. But now that I’m doing it, I really can’t take a reversion and go back to being a teenage girl. It has got nothing to do with me being a rebel or too-forward a person; I believe it’s just normal for any person to feel so. I appreciate and admire everyone’s care and protective feeling towards me, but at 25 I really have to and want to fend for myself.

I don’t want to be put in an entirely new package and gift-wrapped so that I get good proposals and I can’t shut off the rest of my life, my friends, my blog and everything else that is a part of me just for that. After all, my life does not revolve around a single point called “proposals.” I want to be loved for who I am and I wouldn’t mind waiting for a guy who is genuinely interested to know who I really am. If that is too much to ask for, I don’t mind being single for the rest of my life.

Also published on Medium.