After exactly 24 days of writing my previous blog about the jerk who molested me at the age of 7, it seems God has read my blog and wanted to give me a chance for pay-back. How else can I describe the bastard at my doorstep, right in front of me? When my mother came inside after answering the door bell and asked me to go upstairs, I didn’t understand why she was asking me to do so. Normally she calls me down when there are visitors. This was a shock and I wanted to know why she was trying to get rid of me. Finally she said, “Don’t say anything. Jayan is here”. I can’t express the surge of emotions that ran through me at that moment. Was it a deep anger towards my mother for even thinking of letting him in and save him from me or was it the never-quenching desire to kill the beast? All I could say to her when I pushed past her was “This is the moment I’ve been waiting for all my life!”
My mother did her best to pull me back and get me inside. But this time there was no stopping. If I stopped this time, I would never know what peace of mind is. Two long decades of wait was finally over. I didn’t have to worry about finding his number or social networking id again. Here he was, right in front of me. And the asshole had no shame in looking at me. There was no introduction, no small talk – just plain attack from my side. All the years of pent up guilt, shame, anger and frustration came right out without even a nudge. Whatever abuses I’ve ever learnt were for him today. And he had the guts to ask me “What happened?”. I told him in plain words what had happened 22 years ago when he molested a 7 year old, me, multiple times. All he had to say was “I’m leaving.” Good for him he did. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have repented a second of my life for killing him or at least physically harming him. And he left.
What followed was a huge break down. It was like with each tear I was making up for all the lost years of my life. With each tear I was growing stronger. Today a huge burden which I carried around all my life is off my chest! But today I also realize something really hard – it might not always be easy for parents to understand their children. Someday.. someday, I will be able to forgive and forget!