I am a person who tries my level best to stay out of debates. Sometimes, when I hear something that is so against what I believe in, I have a lot of counter-arguments that come to my mind. But somehow, my conflict resolution strategy in such scenarios has always remained “Avoiding”. I am in no way proud of that, by the way. However, when these points churn in my mind for quite a long time, I vent those out in the form of a blog. This blog is the outcome of such a ‘one-sided’ debate.
For months together now, I have been listening to some who keep arguing that marriage is the end to anyone’s life. They keep giving lame points about how you do not get to have fun after you get married, and how you end up having to compromise and adjust for the rest of your life while you are unhappy with it. To people who are not married yet, they say “Never make the mistake I made”. To people who are newly married, they say “It’s just some months/years. Wait for some more time and you will definitely feel the way I feel now.” To people who have been happily married for years, they say “It’s just a pretense. There is nothing called a forever-happy marriage.”
I used to, or rather still, feel so bad when I listen to all this, especially the enthusiasm with which they try to state that marriage is the last thing any sane person should commit to. In the first place, I feel that it is double standards to be married and keep talking bad about the very concept of marriage. If they never liked the concept of getting married, they should never have gotten married. If they got married and then realized it was the gravest of mistakes that they could ever have made, they should have gotten out of it. Continuing with it for social acceptance, or whatever stupid reason they have, is pure hypocrisy.
I have never understood the attribution of “years of experience” to generalize marriage. It is a simple fact that every marriage depends on the people involved. The experience and adventures can never be the same for two couples. Just because they are married for 10 years and were never happy with their life, it doesn’t mean everyone else needs to be unhappy with their marriage as well. Just because they were not happy with their priority changing after wedding, it doesn’t mean that for everyone it is a forced change process. Just because their wives/husbands did not give them the space they needed or let them have the fun they wanted, doesn’t mean that for everyone marriage is like being caged.
And thinking from the spouse’s point of view, if these particular wives/husbands happened to listen to their spouses lash out about how much of a punishment marriage is to anyone and everyone they know, I am pretty sure that as normal human beings, they are entitled to get hurt. Cracking harmless jokes or one-liners once in a while can be looked at as fun. But when it is a heated argument about why no one should get married, coming from a married person, I don’t think so. For some of the spouses at least, it would not feel like fun the strange way their spouses intend it to be.
The worst part is that they are so blind or maybe, they have shut their eyes so tight that they do not want to see that there are people who are genuinely happy in their marriage. They do not try to understand that these people are happy because they did not take their spouse for granted. Instead, they put in efforts to keep the relationship alive in their own simple ways, as is needed in any relationship– not just marriage. They tried to be each others’ best friends. The adjustments and compromise that we need to make are part of any relationship we are in. We don’t see them as sacrifices when we have our priority set right. We don’t look at ourselves as martyrs when the decision was made by ourselves. A lifetime of happiness with one person is the result of a lot of ups and downs that we handle well, together. It is also the result of conscious, yet simple things that we do to make each other feel special.
But no! These so-called crusaders against marriage will make sure that they do not want to see the fact that people are happy only when they want to be happy. Trying to talk rationally to them is nothing but a futile activity which results in unnecessary waste of time and energy. Hence, this blog.