Sushmita Sen’s father once made a statement that he didn’t raise his daughter to be anyone’s wife (at least that is what social media says). For some reason, a few months back, this statement was dug up by someone, and for the next few weeks, this statement was splattered across social media. And as you must have imagined, it was not shared in the most positive light. People online (not surprisingly) took it as a chance to throw mud at him for apparently “belittling the institution of marriage.” Many took this as a golden opportunity to take digs at Sushmita Sen’s “unmarried” status and even question her role as a mother to her two daughters. Because, you know, for people, adoption and surrogacy do not really qualify as ways to have kids.
Just why this backlash came about, I would never understand. Is it because people can’t understand simple English? Or is it because people look for a chance to read between the lines unnecessarily and make a big deal out of practically nothing? Must be the latter.
What did he say wrong here? By saying that he didn’t raise his daughter to be anyone’s wife, he didn’t mean that he was against marriage or he never wanted his daughter to get married. He simply meant that her identity was not tied to just being someone’s wife. He brought her up to be a strong individual in her own right, one who had dreams of making it big, one who worked hard towards that dream, and one who eventually achieved that dream. Even if she did get married at some point, his statement would still be valid—he raised her to be herself, not someone’s wife.
Isn’t that how every parent should raise their daughters? The fact that most girls are brought up with the ultimate end goal of getting married and taking care of their family is why we are still a long way from true empowerment of girls. That is the biggest reason why when ill-treated by their significant other or his family, most girls take the saddest way out by ending their lives. Because the question that dangles above their head is, “What now when I have failed at the only important thing in my life? Who will accept me now that I am a failure?”
That there is a life beyond or out of marriage and the unit called family is something girls are not made to understand, at least in our society. I can’t count the number of times I had been told, “When you go to some guy’s family…” as a warning or a lesson when I was growing up, as if everything I said or did had to revolve around how all that would someday be judged by a guy and his family.
Yes, things are changing, but very slowly. And even when we see waves of empowerment and equal opportunities in the urban setting, though fluctuating, we still have a long way to go in getting anywhere closer to a world where a girl’s ultimate goal in life is not seen as one involving marriage and kids. That doesn’t mean that the institution of marriage or having a family aren’t important. It just means that their own individuality should not be forsaken for it, and they should not be made to think that there is nothing else worth working towards.
So Sushmita Sen’s dad, even though you are not reading this, I just want you to know that there are people like me who are 100% with you on this. I have two daughters. And I am not raising them to be “wife of …” I am raising them to be Veda and Dhaara, who will have their own thoughts, their own ideas, their own principles, their own dreams, their own efforts, and their own achievements. If they do get married someday and find partners who love and respect them for who they are, my only input to that relationship would be that I have raised two girls who treat others with respect and dignity.
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Also published on Medium.
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