I wonder why I said “No” today, when everyone was planning to go out and have a good time. I wonder why I always say “No” to such plans. When I think about it, I don’t think I am yet an insider. Rather, I am not trying to be an insider. And obviously because of it I have not given anyone a chance to think of me as an insider either. I accept that I am at fault here because I am just not ready to be comfortable. I get unnecessarily irritated with some very irritating people, although I myself can be irritating in a hundred different ways. When I can easily ignore these things and have a good time with others, I stay focused on petty things. This has led me to a point where I am no longer part of anything.
I was never like this, when I think about it. I was always the first one to come up with plans. And maybe the reason I have changed like this is that I miss having genuine fun at work. I miss the people who I used to have real fun with at work. Or to put it very simply, I miss my friends from “Poornam”. Not that I miss the organization as such or the work or anything. Although I learned how to work there, it was always a great decision to leave that and move into something I loved even more. But when I made the move and when all my friends there made the move to other places as well, I knew things would never be the same again.
The kind of fun we had there is something that cannot be found in any other workplace I am sure. The people I met there are also too special to be forgotten or replaced. The friends I found there are still some of the most special ones I have ever had. I remember the coffee breaks and the crowded lunch table where everyone used to listen to everyone else and laugh without any pretense. We used to laugh there because we were sincerely happy, not because we had to. We used to have fights and debates, knowing only too well that those would never affect our relation. We were all there for each other.
Probably I am still so hung up over those days that I am unable to move on and enjoy any other environment. Because no matter how much I try, no other team matches up to the one big team I had at “Poornam”. I miss you guys!